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I know a lot of you probably don't want to hear this but I believe it needs to be said.
Abuse is a serious problem and it is too often ignored. Abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, or verbal, can change someone's life permanently. One of the more commonly known forms of abuse is rape. All forms of abuse affect the victim in the same way for the most part. Abuse victims lose trust in others, lose self control, feel anger or depression, blame themselves for the abuse as well as most other problems in their lives, lose self-confidence, distrust own judgment, feel helpless or out of control, and feel unsafe (I know I'm missing at least a few symptoms). All it takes is one night... one night of abuse to change someone's life permanently.
Why is it hard for abuse victims to fight back?
Abuse (in all forms) is used to take control of someone. The victim feels unsafe to fight back or try to help themselves. In many cases the victim doesn't even know that they were abused (I didn't... took me months to figure out what really happened). Victims truly believe it is their fault that they are being abused, that they did something to deserve this treatment. As stated earlier, victims are afraid to fight back. Without support from friends and family, abuse victim's will not take any actions to prevent further abuse or bring the abuser to justice.
What does the abuser do to keep the victim under control?
The abuser will try to cut the victim off from anyone who can help them (friends, family, loved ones). One way they do this is spreading lies about the victim (remember, they manipulated the victim and took control of them. Chances are they can be pretty manipulative of others too). Another is threatening the victim to stay away from certain people or keep the abuse a secret.
In order to gain control in the first place, the abuser will often unfairly blame the victim for certain problems that exist. The abuser will do all that they can in order to destroy the victim's hope.
Some "tools" used by abusers: anger, shifting the blame, amplifying problems (makes the victim blamed feel more guilt and depression), threatening the victim (threats of suicide can be used in order to gain control as well), lies in general, etc.
Online abuse is real!
Whether the abuse takes place in real life or online, it doesn't matter. Online abuse can be as traumatizing as abuse in the real world.
What should I do if I believe someone I know is a victim of abuse?
Talk to them, ask them how things are going. If you have to ask them if someone has been abusing them, or hurting them physically or emotionally. Let them know you will always be there if they need to talk even if they deny that anything is going on. If you're still worried about them, spend time with them, don't let them hide away and become antisocial. Friends, family, and loved ones are the ones who can help a victim most. Abusers will try to keep victims away from them.
What should I do if the victim confirms that they are being abused in some way, shape, or form?
Talk to the victim. Find out what happened. Find out how it started, what the abuser has done to them, and who is abusing them. NEVER PUSH A VICTIM TOO HARD FOR ANSWERS!
When the victim starts talking, let them talk. Don't overload them with questions.
Notify an authority. It is preferable that the victim does this themselves, however do it yourself if necessary. Offer to go with them and help them explain what happened.
What is an authority?
If the abuse occurs in the workplace, talk to human resources.
If the abuse occurs at a college campus, talk to student services or any other department or service that would be involved in solving conflicts.
Authority figures vary in each situation.
Spread the word.
Let other friends and family of the victim know whats going on. Get them as much support as possible.
Take action.
Isolate the victim from the abuser. Inform the abuser that you know whats going on and that you will fight back if they don't back down. Strength comes in numbers. When you confront the abuser, having more people with you who are on your side will do a lot more to end the abuse.
Don't wait, take action now!
The longer you wait to take action, the worse the situation will get and the more control the abuser will have. The longer you wait, the more painful this will be for the victim and those involved in ending hte abuse, the longer it will take to end the abuse, and more damage will be done.
Why should I care? Why should I help out?
Abuse destroys lives... it destroys relationships...
No one deserves to be abused. No one should have to live through the pain and have those experiences. Chances are, if you're reading this, you consider me to be a friend. If that is in fact the case then here's why you should care: because one of your friends is a victim of abuse. Someone you know and care about had their life permanently altered.
3 months ago I was verbally and emotionally abused by someone whom I trusted more than most others. The abuse still hasn't stopped. I know first hand how much damage one person can do to another person's life. Because of abuse it is probable that I will lose my mate... the girl who I would do anything for and love more than all others. The one who I intended on marrying.
Abuse destroys lives! Take action now!
-Collin
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